I woke up this morning with an impulse to share some thoughts and feelings about fatherhood with a group of friends and associates in my life who are also fathers. I hope you are digging the ride and enjoy this day where we are recognized and appreciated (or so it says on the calendar). The musings below come out of a reflection after 15 years of fathering and the growth of the Pearl kid collective—from one to two and from two to three—that has effected every part of my life.
I apologize in advance if any of the sentiment borders on Hallmark or overused clichés, but clichés are often true. So happy father’s day to you.
I hope you can identify as I testify.
JP

Fatherhood Changes Reality.
I became a father a little over 15 years ago. Everything changed in an instant. In no other relationship do you go from having never met a person in one moment, to embracing them as one of the most important people in your life (for the rest of your life) in the next moment. It’s completely weird, no matter how common or natural.
It’s not like being a mother, where you physically grow, carry, and feed the kids directly from your body, gradually adjusting to the shared life. Becoming a father is a sudden shift and being a dad is often an indirect experience. It’s more like a being a deeply involved bystander—one who stands by, ready for any one of the thousands of side jobs that might spring up at any moment...cleaning something up, fixing something broken, comforting someone in distress, answering someone with a question.
Mostly it’s about being close enough—geographically and emotionally—to be called upon when needed. It’s a cross between being an umpire, a court jester, a vice-president, and a manual laborer. Bewilderment and beauty—twin jokes, sometimes laughing with you and sometimes at you...
Of course, there are tremendous rewards.
Kids are fun.
I get to re-experience each stage of life from a different, hopefully more mature, vantage point.
Just being called “Dad” is quite beautiful and watching as these children grow into the mystery of who they are becoming is the best show on Earth.
Every spring something new is blossoming out of this human garden and I am honored to be a caretaker.
Being a dad has also made me appreciate my solitude more.
The freedoms that I used to take for granted are cherished, the sense of purpose amplified.
And then there are the costs...
Becoming a father was the most expensive decision I ever made.
From then on:
Every mistake would carry a much greater price to pay.
Every dream would be filtered through a responsibility.
Every decision—when to go to bed and when to wake up, what to eat or drink, where and how to live, what hours to work—would carry with it the added dimension of needing to take better care of myself so that I might be able to take care of the others who would be depending on me.
Every character flaw became more exposed, every strength called into service for someone else.
...all of this and the added experience of having to adjust to the woman who I used to see only as my lover, suddenly becoming a mother, too (though I am fortunate that she has integrated those two roles nicely).
I don’t really get it. There are too many details to keep track of and too many unknowns in the future to even begin to feel any true sense of control.
There is only one thing I can say for sure:
It’s worth it.
JP
I apologize in advance if any of the sentiment borders on Hallmark or overused clichés, but clichés are often true. So happy father’s day to you.
I hope you can identify as I testify.
JP

Fatherhood Changes Reality.
I became a father a little over 15 years ago. Everything changed in an instant. In no other relationship do you go from having never met a person in one moment, to embracing them as one of the most important people in your life (for the rest of your life) in the next moment. It’s completely weird, no matter how common or natural.
It’s not like being a mother, where you physically grow, carry, and feed the kids directly from your body, gradually adjusting to the shared life. Becoming a father is a sudden shift and being a dad is often an indirect experience. It’s more like a being a deeply involved bystander—one who stands by, ready for any one of the thousands of side jobs that might spring up at any moment...cleaning something up, fixing something broken, comforting someone in distress, answering someone with a question.
Mostly it’s about being close enough—geographically and emotionally—to be called upon when needed. It’s a cross between being an umpire, a court jester, a vice-president, and a manual laborer. Bewilderment and beauty—twin jokes, sometimes laughing with you and sometimes at you...
Of course, there are tremendous rewards.
Kids are fun.
I get to re-experience each stage of life from a different, hopefully more mature, vantage point.
Just being called “Dad” is quite beautiful and watching as these children grow into the mystery of who they are becoming is the best show on Earth.
Every spring something new is blossoming out of this human garden and I am honored to be a caretaker.
Being a dad has also made me appreciate my solitude more.
The freedoms that I used to take for granted are cherished, the sense of purpose amplified.
And then there are the costs...
Becoming a father was the most expensive decision I ever made.
From then on:
Every mistake would carry a much greater price to pay.
Every dream would be filtered through a responsibility.
Every decision—when to go to bed and when to wake up, what to eat or drink, where and how to live, what hours to work—would carry with it the added dimension of needing to take better care of myself so that I might be able to take care of the others who would be depending on me.
Every character flaw became more exposed, every strength called into service for someone else.
...all of this and the added experience of having to adjust to the woman who I used to see only as my lover, suddenly becoming a mother, too (though I am fortunate that she has integrated those two roles nicely).
I don’t really get it. There are too many details to keep track of and too many unknowns in the future to even begin to feel any true sense of control.
There is only one thing I can say for sure:
It’s worth it.
JP
